Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
