he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
