Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I faked an abortion last night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize