So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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