i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
