I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?