why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
