Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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