when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
