I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
