I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
