Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
