Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
