it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
