Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
