Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
