Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
how does that bad decision feel?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
