Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
only you would photoshop your dick
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
