I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize