Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found puke in my bra..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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