Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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