Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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