I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
