She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
