Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
