Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
