i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
