I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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