3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
