Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
