I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
