i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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