I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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