Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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