i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
There's even glitter on my cock...
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