when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize