I bet he comes in French.
just tell him i said nine months
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
