I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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