The maid of honor just puked.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
