none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
