I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
