Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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