im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
