does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just gargled with NyQuil
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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