Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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