right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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