The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Come on in and take your pants off
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