so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
