im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
