Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
how drunk are you?
Several
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
