I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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