yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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