my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
