I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
People in love make me want to vomit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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