He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
two words: eviction party
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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