Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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