I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
