i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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