It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
