Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
