i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
