remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
