He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
