I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
