Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
