I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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