i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
