I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you inspire me to be a worse person
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
