one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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