he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
