I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
