I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
