Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
