I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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