She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
