I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
